


All The Right Kitchen Uses

by kpop_biased



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, I Don't Even Know, M/M, OT12 - Freeform, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Shameless Smut, Smut, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, baekhyun is traumatised, everyone is really dirty minded, its really gay tbh, kaisoo are being kaisoo, tags are hard to do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 02:36:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16008509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpop_biased/pseuds/kpop_biased
Summary: Kai and Kyungsoo have some fun in the kitchen. Enough said.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically more smut. This time of the Kaisoo variety. I'm going to hell in so many different religions.

Kyungsoo frowned, dark eyebrows drawing together in concentration. The words flowed loosely on the recipe sheet, coming easily to him despite his serious expression. He paused mid-action - flour from his hair wafting around him like pale fog and silver mixing bowl clutched precariously in his arms - to read through the next instructions. He mouthed the words to himself, committing them to memory.

Soo turned around, eyes automatically searching out the spice cabinet. They flicked over the sink and drawers, before coming to rest on the doorway- and the figure leaning against it.

Kyungsoo started, surprised by the new presence. "How long have you been standing there?"

He wasn't annoyed exactly, it wasn't like him to let emotions control him so easily, but he strongly disliked being startled; he disliked being interrupted while cooking even more. But for some odd reason he found he disliked those things less when it was Kim Jongin doing them. 

Kai shrugged, oblivious to his inner tirade. "I've been here for a while now," he smirked, "I was wondering when you'd notice." Soo glared, unimpressed with the other male. "Oh come on, you're cute when you cook."

Kyungsoo's scowl intensified to what had been unanimously labelled as 'The Satansoo Glare' by the fans. (Everyone suspected that it was actually Chanyeol who was the culprit but no one said anything for fear of the giant losing his life at the hands of a pissed off Kyungsoo.)

"I am not cute."

Kai smiled delinquently, moving to stand a bare few inches away from Soo, making the other's breath hitch. "Sure you are."

Kyungsoo opened his mouth to protest - while desperately ignoring the flush creeping up his neck - when Kai closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. Soo made a muffled noise against Kai's lips, before relenting and allowing him access to his mouth, which Kai eagerly took advantage of by easing Soo's lips further apart and exploring the other's mouth with his tongue.

Pulling apart, Soo noticed Kai's dilated pupils and blushed, knowing he probably had a similar appearance. He made a noise akin to a whimper as Kai transferred his open-mouthed kisses to his collarbone, biting into the skin and sucking on the spot, knowing it would definitely leave a noticeable mark.

Kai ground their hips together, trapping Soo against the counter and eliciting fresh groans from them both. Soo could feel Kai's erection through his trousers, as well as his own, and he was suddenly eager to be rid of the bothersome fabric.

"Should we - ah - should we head to the bedroom?" Soo asked between breathy moans, but the question was obviously lost on Kai, who had moved his head to kiss down Soo's chin and neck, muttering things that sent shivers down his spine.

Kai gripped Soo around the waist and lifted him almost effortlessly onto the counter. He clambered on top of him and captured Kyungsoo's lips again, swallowing the yelp that left them at the sudden action and the weak protests at the violation of his work space, though there was no real objection in the muffled complaints.

"This," Soo gasped, as Kai tore his shirt from his body, "is really not what kitchens are meant for."

Kai grinned against his lips, rubbing his groin expertly against Soo's erect member, tearing another moan from his throat. "You complaining?"

"Ah- wouldn't dream of it." Sometimes Kyungsoo really hated how well the dancer knew how to use his hips. 

They removed the rest of their clothes with enviable speed, tossing articles of clothing to the side carelessly; multiple piles of cutlery and plates soon joined the discarded items on the floor. Their hands traveled over each other's bodies, exploring the familiar routes as they peppered kisses on the other's flushed skin. Their legs intertwined, kisses becoming more passionate and wild at a rapid pace. Their hard members rubbed together, creating much needed friction and making their breaths come in shorter, heavier bursts.

Seeing as they had no lube handy (for it was, after all, a kitchen), Soo made do and slipped Kai's fingers into his mouth, hollowing out his cheeks as he sucked and trailing his tongue teasingly over the tips. Kai moaned, muttering an unintelligible phrase under his breath, before he flipped Soo onto his front and trailed a series of lovebites across his neck and shoulders.

Kai removed his fingers from Kyungsoo's mouth and eased them between his legs and down into his hole. Kyungsoo arched his back and let out a soft cry as Kai inserted two more fingers and began scissoring him, stretching him out while Kyungsoo squirmed in pleasure as Kai massaged the nerves on the side of his entrance and loosened him up.

"K-Kai- oh god - Kai, I need-"

Kai took the initiative and angled himself above Soo, kissing him once more on the back of the neck before pushing in. Pain from the size soon turned to pleasure, thanks to the thorough preparation, and an easy rhythm began to set in.

They moved together, Kai thrusting and Soo responding with just as much lustre. Their flushed skin slapped together, the sound muffled by their moans and groaning. Kai's hands wrapped around Soo's hips lovingly, holding him in place with a tantamount portion of care.

"Soo," Kai breathed over and over, knowing his name was too on the other's lips.

There were murmurs of love exchanged between them in raw voices, pants and touches too, communicating in a whole different language only they could understand. But mostly they shared kisses, one after the other, hands woven together as their bodies moved and rode as one.

Soo waited until the last moment, until he felt Kai pound into him one last time, body straining tensely just before his climax, before he let loose. They released their loads in unison, both growling in lust and delight.

Decidedly out of breath, Kai collapsed beside Soo, breathing heavily in unison, their hands still clasped together. They surveyed the mess around them: the broken plates and scattered scraps of food and torn, dirty clothes strewn messily across the tiled floor. They exchanged content, completely unashamed looks. 

"That's it, we're getting the kitchen sound proofed!" Baekhyun shouted from somewhere across the hall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sin continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a second part to this for some reason.

"I really don't see why we couldn't have just hired someone professional to do this." Kyungsoo grumbled, irately flicking his brush over the soundproof panels they had installed a while prior. His brush left a messy line of drab grey paint in its wake, most of which immediately dripped onto the splattered, tile floor.

"I think it's just their way of punishing us." Kai replied brightly, appearing oddly cheerful about the prospect of their team mates penalising them. Unlike Kyungsoo, Kai's strokes were careful and measured, concealing his section of the wall in graceful, deft gestures. 

Soo glared at the wall like it was to blame for their misfortune. Kai could already picture Baekhyun's distraught face at finding his make-up kit had been flushed down the toilet. It was Kyungsoo's favourite form of retaliation. 

"What's the wall done to you to warrant such cold treatment?" Kai joked lightly, nudging Soo playfully in the shoulders.

Soo muttered something rude under his breath. "It's not the wall I'm mad at." 

Kai stared at the metaphorical holes Soo was burning into the wall with his eyes and imagined Soo placing a mental image of Baekhyun on the same spot. Kai laughed a little to himself. 

"What?" Soo snapped, dropping his brush into the bucket with exaggerated vexation. 

Kai smirked, a previous conversation replaying in his mind. "You're still cute."

Soo's eyes narrowed dangerously, but Kai knew there was no real threat there. "Don't start this again."

"Oh come on, admit it, you enjoy this."

"...Why would I enjoy painting a wall?"

"Because we're doing it together?"

"You are such a dork."

Kai winked at him. "And you love it, jagi."

Soo sniffed haughtily. "Against my infinitely better judgement."

Kai flicked paint at him in mock anger, but the expression didn't last long as he soon burst out laughing at Soo's indignant expression, who retaliated with a little more force than necessary, and pretty soon paint was flying every which way and the two grown men were giggling like immature six-year-olds. 

Somehow they found themselves entangled in each other's arms, lips pressed together like the familiar pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Their brushes were discarded mindlessly and their buckets made a squelching sound of protest when they were kicked aside to make more room. 

"I'm sure the others are going to love what we've done with the place." Soo commented as Kai hummed out a laugh against his lips. They made quick work of unbuttoning their shirts and it wasn't long before Kai felt Soo undoing his belt and pulling down his trousers. 

Kai gave a small gasp of pleasure as he felt Soo remove his boxers and wrap his hand around his member. He saw Kyungsoo smirk as he got down on both knees and his tongue darted out to lick the tip of the throbbing flesh and swirl around teasingly inside Kai's shaft, making him grit his teeth and clench his fists. 

Kai moaned as he felt Soo's hot mouth engulf his length and waves of pleasure washed over him. Lust thrummed through his veins as he knotted his hand in Kyungsoo's copper-black locks. Kai shifted his weight restlessly at the sensation of Kyungsoo's lips moving up and down his dick and Soo hummed fervently at the movement. Kai's erection immediately responded by growing harder and Soo half-smiled against Kai's cock, far too pleased with himself at the effect he was having on his lover. 

Soon Kyungsoo had taken Kai entirely into his mouth and they set up an easy rhythm. Kyungsoo kept sucking passionately as Kai thrust into his mouth; his cheeks hollowed out and tightened in a maddening pattern even as he bobbed his head up and down Kai's erect member. 

"Soo..." Kai panted breathlessly, "I think- I think I need to-"

Kyungsoo seemed to understand the purpose of Kai's choppy sentence, despite him being too breathless to finish it. Soo pushed gently against Kai's hips, guiding him to the edge of the counter while keeping his lips firmly wrapped and still working away at Kai's dick. 

Kai sagged gratefully against the counter, moving his legs further apart to grant Soo better access, earning him a pleased sound that was a mixture between a grunt and hum, which sent spikes of fiery desire and thrill ricocheting through his veins, up his spine and all over his body. 

Kyungsoo's long tongue licked along the underside of Kai's shaft and balls, earning him a half-cry half-pant of desire from the other man. It wasn't long before he felt Kai's precum coating his tongue and Kai spoke up, his voice punctuated by heavy gasps. 

"S-Soo - ah - jagi, I'm going to come if you-"

Kyungsoo intensified his vigorous sucking and it was not long before Kai's load was spurting into his mouth. He swallowed it down eagerly, not breaking eye contact with Kai- 

"세상에! 내 눈!" Baekhyun screamed shrilly. Kai and Soo's heads turned to the door in sync, freezing in their compromising positions like deer in the headlights. 

Baekhyun yelled a few other unintelligible things, waved his arms around a few times in a stunning impersonation of a duck with dementia and threw his eyeliner pencil at the pair (neither of them could pinpoint when or where he'd retrieved it from). Then he dashed out of the kitchen - still screaming - and tore down the hallway into the living room. 

\---()---

"It's alright Baekhyun, just tell us what happened." Suho spoke soothingly as he attempted to calm his fellow member down. This was proving to be a difficult job as Baekhyun had been rocking back and forth on the sofa and muttering to himself for a good half an hour and did not seem inclined to stop anytime soon. 

"What do you think happened to him?" Luhan asked curiously, mild concern colouring his tone. 

Right on cue, Kai burst in, followed seconds later by Kyungsoo. The rest of them team (save for Baekhyun, who had started crying) halted their conversations to take in the duo's appearance. Kai was wearing his shirt back-to-front and his trousers were unzipped, though upon second look they appeared to be Soo's. D.O.'s shirt was half unbuttoned and his hair was a dishevelled mess, he was wearing Kai's trousers, an ill decision on his part as they were about two sizes too big for him and he kept tripping over them and having to pull them back up (which explained his delayed arrival rather well). 

"Um..." Xiumin said slowly, trying to make sense of the situation. "Why are you," he waved at them in a random pattern, "like that?"

Kai and Kyungsoo flushed a deep scarlet and took a sudden interest in the room's various furniture. 

Realisation struck Kris and he started snickering, Sehun stared at him in bewilderment. Still laughing, Kris whispered something in Sehun's ear and Sehun started snickering as well. 

Xiumin and Luhan stared at the two quizzically while Suho went back to comforting Baekhyun. Kai and Kyungsoo appeared extremely uncomfortable but were unable to slip out of the room with Kris and Sehun staring at them and giggling. 

"What?" Luhan demanded.

"What is it?" Xiumin asked. 

Kris sniggered, looking entirely too pleased with himself. "Isn't it obvious? Kai and Soo just had sex."

Instantly, Luhan blushed, looking like he was attending a Halloween party dressed as a tomato. Xiumin blanched and started sputtering, winning first place for best seagull imitation. 

"What?! No we weren't!" Kai and Soo exclaimed in unison, voices too high-pitched and faces too red for anyone to believe them .

Over Soo and Kai's indignant denial, Sehun proceeded to start singing. "Kai and Kyungsoo sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage-"

"Then comes Sehun with spinal damage." Soo hissed, effectively putting an end to the irritating song. 

At some point Kris had run out to spread the news to Chanyeol and Chen, because a few minutes later shouting broke through the cacophony of noise in the living room (which consisted of Baekhyun crying, Suho lecturing Kai and Soo, Xiumin and Luhan taking turns to throw 'holy water' at each other to rid themselves of mental images and Sehun quietly singing 'I don't care, I ship it' under his breath). 

"YES! I KNEW IT!" Chanyeol screamed. "CHEN PAY UP!"

"OH MY GOD COULDN'T THEY HAVE WAITED ANOTHER DAY TO HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF BAEKHYUN?!" Chen yelled angrily. "I WAS SAVING THIS MONEY TO RE-STOCK MY BISCUIT SUPPLY!" 

"SHUT UP AND PAY UP!" Chanyeol replied loudly. 

In the living room, Baekhyun fainted.


End file.
